Score Another One For Tennessee2012-05-12 at 04:38 pm Blog RSS
On Thursday, State Rep. Jon Lundberg told NBC station WCYB-TV that a focus on abstinence is needed because Tennessee has the seventh-highest teen birth rate in the nation and the 11th-highest HIV infection rate in the nation.
“The shift is that the main core needs to be an abstinence-based approach. Not, ‘hey, I know everybody’s having sex, so when you have sex do this, do this, [and] do this.’ That’s not it,’” Lundberg told the station.
It’s really too embarrassingly easy when the jokes write themselves around a statement like that, so, at the considerable risk of shocking my conservative fans into having fatal coronaries (Gee, I hope that doesn’t happen) because when has that ever stopped me before, I’m not going to say anything. Nothing funny at all. I’m not even going to quote what Stephen Colbert said about the whole thing.
You know, the Groin Central Station remark. Nor am I going to point out that AIDS and teen pregnancy rates are going to skyrocket to all new never before dreamed of highs in the Volunteer State because of this inanity. And, again because it would just be too easy, I’m not to going to point out the similarities between this and The State of Tennessee v. John Thomas Scopes, which you might know as The Scopes Monkey Trial and how impressively Tennessee has evolved since 1925.
I’m not even going to remind you that right before he picked up his pen to sign the Gateway Sexual Activities bill into law, Governor Bill Haslam said, “Hold my beer and watch this y’all!” What I am going to do, because it infuriates both liberals and conservatives but mostly conservatives, is remind you how this is going to increase the youth suicide rate in Tennessee, and what a good thing that is because the state is in a slump.
In Tennessee in 2009, the number of suicide deaths for people ages 10-19 was 44. In 2010, the number was 38 (Thanks to that uppity Negro who keeps trying to make life better and more worth living for everyone). And obviously, the Party Of Death, AKA The GOP, sees this as a problem and by their imaginary friend who lives in the sky and grants wishes they are going to remedy it. By doing things like passing the Gateway Sexual Activities bill.
And I think it’s going to work. I don’t have the current numbers because suicide data is hard to find but I am confident this years total for the 10-19 age group is going to reach at least 50. And who will be laughing at the Republicans then, huh? That’ll show the Democrats and all those annoying kids who’s boss.
And the ones who don’t give up and kill themselves will either get AIDS or at the very least have their lives ruined by an unwanted pregnancy and no chance of getting an abortion. Say what you will about the Republicans but you have to give them credit for curing the overpopulation problem by being God’s Vengeance Merchant On Earth and making life so miserable for so many for absolutely no reason that no one wants to live here while at the same time being vehemently against birth control. That’s a trick that David Copperfield couldn’t pull off.
Last 5 posts by Greg
- So Now You Believe in Heaven? - May 18th, 2013
- It's Friday, You Bastards - May 17th, 2013
- Don't Give Me That Quaker In A Titty Bar Look - May 13th, 2013
- The Cubs Kill Another Fan - May 12th, 2013
- It's Friday, You Bastards - May 10th, 2013
View Counter: 103 views
2 Responses to “Score Another One For Tennessee”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.