Finally Home2012-05-08 at 12:24 pm Blog RSS
This morning I found this music/video and after watching and listening to the video above by Coldplay it reminded me of a time in my life long ago, but even today it seems like it was only yesterday. After listening to it and reading my story below, I believe you will understand…
When I was fifteen I ran away for the final time, I at last had left behind a life of physical and verbal abuse that had left scars, both visible and hidden, that I will carry till my final day. I was now out on the street, and with the few possessions I could actually call my own, I found myself living beneath the overpass of a bridge along the river bank. But as sad as that may sound it was okay, because for the first time in my life I felt safe.
I continued going to school and was able to use the showers, due to my gym class, to keep myself clean. As far as my clothes, I only had two pairs of jeans, a couple of t-shirts, and about the same as far as my under things, all of which, along with my few possessions, I carried within a backpack I had found a few years before in a neighbors trash. I kept my clothes clean the best I could and when I needed to wash them I was able to use the all night laundry mat on the other side of the river, which worked out because I could also do my homework there too while I waited. The man and wife who owned the laundry mat allowed me to work there after school cleaning and mopping the floor to earn a little extra money, hell at first it was the only money, but it was mine and I earned every cent. Also, since I worked there they now allowed me to wash and dry my clothes for free as an extra perk and it was a great perk, because what little money I did earn paid for the food I ate.
From the early years of elementary right on through high school I had very few friends due to the fact that I had always been quiet and withdrawn from the others because of the nightmarish life I tried to keep secret. The few friends I did have were very aware of the problems I faced each and every day. I guess some things you just can’t hide forever no matter how hard you might try. They saw the marks, the bruises, the cuts and knew that if I wasn’t at school that day I had once again been the victim of a “bad accident”, as my mother always called them. I could not always hide the terrible pain and fear I was feeling from my friends, I guess they could see it in my face and hear it within my voice. They never would ask or question what had happen, because they already had guessed or knew. They would only ask if I was okay in a low hushed voice and in return I would just nod, never able to look them in the eyes.
My friends would always try their best to include me in their social circles and activities, even though they knew I was never allowed outside the house unless it was to go to school. It was my mother’s way of keeping as many prying eyes off of me as possible, fewer questions that way when I showed up in public with another injury from one of my “bad accidents.” I knew my friends cared and they did not want me feeling left out, but it was hard to fit in because I could never chance letting my guard down in fear of someone else finding out what awaited me at my house, I was just too ashamed even though I knew it wasn’t my fault. My life outside the house was school and outside of school was the house… that is until on my fifteenth birthday, on that very day… I broke free.
I lived on the street for a little over a year and a half, surviving the best I knew how, but it wasn’t as bad as what I had faced all those years before. Don’t get me wrong, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t hard, it was, but for the first time ever, I started feeling happy and alive. I finally felt I mattered and I wasn’t someone’s “dumb useless bastard” as I had been call all those years. My confidence was growing and so was my outlook on life. I was finding that there was a whole different world out there beyond all the hurt, pain, and fear… there was love.
I was sixteen when I meet this girl; she was a year older than me and the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I was shy and had a hard time trying to talk to her because I stuttered when I was nervous or scared, and she made me both. But she reached out and grabbed my hand and with that one touch I was lost to her forever.
A year and half later we were married, I was just finishing up high school and was working full time. As newlyweds we moved into a small apartment and started our lives together. On the first day, when we first walked into our own apartment, I broke down and started to cry. She quickly took me in her arms and asked, “What on earth is the matter, why are you so upset?”
I just looked at her through tear filled eyes and told her, “Nothing, it’s just that I am finally home…”
We have been together ever since.
Last 5 posts by Dont_U_Believe
- Nothing Lasts - May 14th, 2013
- No One Understands - May 13th, 2013
- Answers? - May 9th, 2013
- Never Meant To Be - May 7th, 2013
- Surrender - April 18th, 2013
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