The Inspiration of the Labrea Tarpits, and Some People’s Kids
2011-10-20 at 01:04 am
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Earlier this evening I logged on here and proceeded to the entry of perhaps the most gifted transformer of thought into printed word
that this site has ever seen within it’s borders. This one described the story of the apple, in such a way as to make me forget for a few minutes that I was… well, myself. Perhaps it’s more accurate to say that I did not feel quite so much self contempt when I had finished reading this guy’s tale of the apple, as I had upon starting it. Because there are an uncountable number of folks that are even more misguided and fucked up in the head than I and I know it for a fact…. once again, after reading a tale of apples
Thank you, you invisible ringleader of that notorious gang of thugs ten. You continue to be an inspiration…. This started as a simple half trollish reply to one of your readers. They’d mentioned
“pure nastiness” and the rest just fell right into place. ….:-)
I know for a fact that more apples than you can eat does have a darkside. For about a week, then they turn all soft, squishy and ooze when you touch them. After that it’s just pure nastiness.
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Mango_Chutney Reply:
October 13th, 2011 at 8:46 amAnd eating too many apples can have a darkside as well…
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Somewhere along the line… someone, either out of desperate hunger or a strange compulsion [which led them to look at and smell that maggot infested putrid, fermenting pile of "pure nastiness".... and commence to shoveling it down their filthy pieholes, as if it were the breast milk of the most beautiful chick in the whole cave-clan]……
made the wonderful discovery that “pure nastiness”, when slurped down the gullet, has the effect of every now and then causing a few of the ladies to actually seek out the cave bump boogie with just about any old fellah within arms reach. Instead of having to be chased down and whacked on the noggin in the typical manner of hominid scroggin.
Word of this foul, terrible, and powerful magic spread faster than a secret that’s been entrusted to an attn whore, and soon led to the creation of an even more terrible, powerful, and foul force of evil in the world. This evil force without delay became the master of an entire planet, killing hundreds, then thousands, then millions of folks on nothing more than a whim as it continued to take ownership of hundreds of millions and then billions of lost, loyal, ignorant, and foolishly blind people. Their devotion to this singularly omnipotent force of evil was such that they became capable of unbelievable magic in their own right. If two men disagreed, he whose devotion to the evil force (that even Sauron the Great was only a mere servant of) was more pure could now speak a word or two, whisper it really, and the entire family line of the other man would be busy pushing up daisies together by the very next day. Magic.
It’s not so much the eating of the apples that those gaddamned gluttonous folks started overdoing. It’s not so much the folks who decided to slurp down the rotting piles of filth that they came upon in their day to day.
It is the clever fellow who said to himself “I have half a mind to scrape up that nasty shit, purify it to its nastiest and most harmful concentration possible, and then gift all my friends with a bottle. When they come back for more concentrated evil …I will only provide it under the condition that they [and their progeny for the next 10,000 years] become willing slaves to me, ready to kill, die, and provide me with buttsecks at the drop of a hat. Forever. Well, I won’t mention that it’s forever.. to spare them from that knowledge is a grand and noble act of kindness. I think I’ll have everyone refer to me as their “Lordship”!
And so it went, all the way to:
America…..FUCK YEAH!!!
Last 5 posts by Lolzarus
- The Progressive Journey from Wisdom to Stupidity - April 3rd, 2012
- gop translator - March 5th, 2012
- Paradoxy moron. - February 10th, 2012
- Taking Another Man's Black Junk up the Hoo Hoo - November 10th, 2011
- Deep Thoughts, From a Shallow Well - September 26th, 2011
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17 Responses to “The Inspiration of the Labrea Tarpits, and Some People’s Kids”
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PS: The evil force which has us enslaved still…. some more than others, is:
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Lolzarus Reply:
October 20th, 2011 at 1:28 am
Lol, evidently
1) the chirping of crickets
2) dry scratching of sagebrush as it is windblown across a pitch black desert wash
or
3) the desolate, lonely sound of a distant coyote, howling to whatever might hear his message
I so thought it was dollar signs for a minute too
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Cowgirl Reply:
October 20th, 2011 at 10:00 pm
Oh gifted transformer of thought into words, this is quite poetic^^^
Not only can you paint a vivid picture with words, you produce sounds in surround sound stereo, to accompany it.
About the most I’ve produced with a stinking pile of rotten apples, is apple cider. Otherwise, one day when I was a young girl, I climbed a tree and ate half dozen or so green apples. That night I left them all in a steaming, stench of a pile of puke on my pillow. :P
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Lolzarus Reply:
October 27th, 2011 at 11:03 pm
That made me hungry, for some reason…
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Cowgirl Reply:
October 28th, 2011 at 2:38 am
I probably was hungry after that, too. After all, my whole day’s worth of nutrition was sitting there on my pillow. If I was my dog, I wouldn’t have minded recycling it, but I didn’t even have a dog to be that dog. So…..a good hot meal--gone to waste.
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Cowgirl Reply:
October 28th, 2011 at 2:43 am
^^^^ Sometimes I’m so clever I make myself sick. Hope that doesn’t mean another wasted meal here.
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I didn’t realize that my off the cuff comment to Mango could inspire such deep thought.
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Alfred Reply:
October 20th, 2011 at 6:56 pm
“I didn’t realize that my off the cuff comment to Mango could inspire such deep thought”.
Oh it’s deep alright,but I am not sure it’s thought’s that are deep,more like shit that you usually like putting out here huh Mikey.
Climb back into your own festering sore you call a life and do not worry alright.
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Lolzarus Reply:
October 27th, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Dustup, won’t you please just this once, do the right thing and get killed? You’re stinking up my internets.
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Lolzarus Reply:
October 27th, 2011 at 11:29 pm
I have come to believe that you folks that inspire, of which all but one of the commentors here can easily be painted with that brush, *never* realize [until much later, maybe] how inspirational you are, even “off the cuff”.
That’s why I put {or used to, anyhow} as much effort as I do into pointing out the WIN and FAIL I run across. In real time.
That old “not knowing what ya got till it’s gone” shit really sucks. So there’s my snap judgment: You’re full of WIN. Or were on that particular occasion
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Lolzarus Reply:
October 27th, 2011 at 11:19 pm
It’s nothing that you, yourself have not done for years on end, my friend. Simple slavery to the grind. Yes, it cuts into my real life (the internets) pretty deep… Thinking about maybe getting onna those newfangled phones that gives good internets access wherever a person is. It’s killing me, growing more dull and uninteresting by the day… and the attn whore within is ready to snap at any moment.
How’s that for an uber-halfass attempt to illuminate the terrain in which I currently find myself deployed?
Short answer: Yeah I miss this place… as it was ‘pre-invasion’ of the ol’ dusty dog fakes. I miss alotta cool shit if I stop to think too long these days. You gangsters del diaz, too.
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Mango_Chutney Reply:
October 28th, 2011 at 9:03 am
Thanks for the update. We miss you.
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Marigv Reply:
October 28th, 2011 at 7:50 pm
So, you miss this place, eh?
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yeah….how the fuck are you? gimmie a hug
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Lolzarus Reply:
October 27th, 2011 at 11:21 pm
*sigh*
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LethalAmbrose Reply:
October 28th, 2011 at 7:39 pm
oh…
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