Free- je m’en fous – style2011-06-01 at 09:54 pm Blog RSS
Ok-rewind and gather the pieces—> got there and re-dyed (cuz it was SO AWFUL it scared every single living being in a ..transcontinental effect) ;ate all sorts of tasty weirdness – from froglegs to japanese ,thai and vietnamese food, attacked someone with a high heeled shoe , got ‘touched’once by my own Lederpeitsche (ouch!) for 25 given marks- I admit to have been curious as well; giggled until the wind got my hair up& flaming with the speed and the sun on the road,breathing cozy warmth on strange lands; went shopping ; one morning I was introduced to a crying hooker as ’the best domina’ as I woke up for a glass of water
I mumbled & went back in my room to sleep. Never crossed my mind to ask WHY, who or wtf.
je m’en fous.
I’m a champion at running from pain..run to places far where it can’t reach me, places I can be free from the memories with others who are freeing themselves from memories…My enthusiasm and lust for life are contagious.
Some lil fairy godmother promised me freedom and happiness , opportunity and accomplishment with the price of lust. Give up your carnal desires for the sake of..”mirroring”..Untouchble seductive spectre @ night and joyous punky kid @day.
People always crave mirroring..like in a search for one’s lost Self. To certify an existence..to add up authenticity …or to create an improved version of themselves. ‘God complex ‘always fascinated me in others…but each with its own. The power of Will and Intent. For mirroring the obvious or the hidden,they want pets with black muzzles. Some get ‘zoophiliac with their pets’, some don’t.
I remember those old widowed hags nodding and shaking sordidly, like Shakespeare’s witches while giving their wisdom : if there are men out there ,past their youth and never married, something must then be wrong with them, keep away. I still wonder how such a filthy prejudice always proves to be right…
Contracts ( edited by others) are disgusting…so are old creepy hags..
I can’t fix the unfixable. My ex tought me. Hope he’ll roth in hatred for the rest of his life …’THOUGH.. sad thing- I know he will.
And even before him, the sharpest man I’ve ever known..retired in Argentina,somewhere in the desert with transexuals, hookers and farming.Self-made man…. That one tried teaching me a thing or two bout all life,finance, men and SM…it was too much info!
I’m still like a balky mare…but with time I’m slowly getting to understand it all… Perhaps I need to worry bout myself more…the mistakes and wounds of their youth are flagellating their entire lives by making them…generalize , be strict..harsh, paranoid , selfish…The desert..
Making ..us stone cold, and the mirroring easy.
There’s the sadism to keep me going for long term…carving out wild flowers in the flesh of the veterans…for love .. (?!!!) Frau Inspektor - trophy mistress - vicious pet. Carving my path as a Taker..demaning..evaluating..and morphing into something different…”Love-proof”. They say ‘natural dominas’ are manhaters, because they suffered rape and abuse at a certain point in their lives. I had neither.Maybe a whole lotta heartache from bad choices and a morbid interest in human study…The reactions..affections…limits…soft spots…and control.
Better off as ‘abuser’;somehow everyone’s happy and I’m relaxed as long as I’m receiving all the attention I require when I need it.
and @ the end of the day fuck ‘em all.
Fuck pondering on fixing the unfixable, there are wayyy way too many
like me and them around. The more people I meet ,the more face palms I get.
The best advice I ever received (from the best astrologer Ever) was “let go and let god” or let chaos ! -same thing different name.
I’m still wondering whether to turn down a modelling offer or not…( long term-contracts are confining ) Is money to throw away? Is it worth it? I’d better just go and see and negotiate.The ifs ,the options, the availability..the noose (!) I’d rather have alternatives ,no matter how restrictive…than rely on..little.
One of my gfs (no.2) got preggy. My first reaction was to hiss a pejorative word…then nod & tell her to let me know when she’s ‘done with it’. Decided to sweeten up after and started abusing on Mojito-flavoured icecream.
The Future -…… gives me headaches !
Last 5 posts by LethalAmbrose
- the song & the champagne - April 28th, 2012
- Gratitude and disdain - April 17th, 2012
- Shocking!! - March 14th, 2012
- the urban "Ohm"& practicing awareness: Blind Dinners - March 10th, 2012
- Thoughts....drier than a dry martini. - March 7th, 2012
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