E-MAIL FEMALE – EPISODE 72011-02-10 at 12:30 pm Blog RSS
EPISODE 7 (SERIOUS MASSAGE)
Earlier, Lana showed me some old photos of herself. Her hair was short, and I told her she looked like a lesbian. She started poking and tickling me (any excuse to touch me… Ha).
Lana: I r NOT lesbian!
Joe: You cheered me up. I am having second thoughts about the massage, though. Promise you won’t poke or tickle me… Not even once. You’ll drive me nuts (excuse the pun).
Lana: Were you down??????? A massage is a more serious affair so know need to worry.
Joe: A bit… Just the thought of all this work. A serious massage? OK… Should be interesting. You’re not gonna put Enigma on, are you? Am I gonna have to take my top off? I don’t want you to see my hairy back…
Lana: You have a hairy back? Why don;t you veet it?
Joe: How the hell am I supposed to Veet my own back? Maybe you can do it… If you’re not too grossed out. How long does it take?
Lana: About 20 min…. Thats what friends are for.! Cos you don’t want to have a hairy back!
Joe: Yay! Bargain. I actually don’t see why a hairy back is so bad. Mine isn’t TOO hairy. Adolf was here; telling us all how it’s gonna be. Ha! We’re all having a good laugh, now he’s gone…
Lana: So that means he is on his way here! Lucky me! Have taken peoples chairs and made them for fat midgits… put them right down and the backs as far back as possible,,,, really funny!
Joe: Actually, you should have your chair right down. You’re short, like me. Your feet should be flat on the floor, and your back right against the back of the chair. I’m sure you know that, but anyway… I also have a lot of scars on my back… Not that you’ll be able to do anything about that… Just don’t want you to be too shocked. It’s not a pretty sight. Oh, I also have AIDS. I’m kidding.
Lana: Why do you have scars on your back (as I’m writing this i wonder if i really want to know). Don’t make jokes about AIDS…. My feet (toes) just touch the ground but i always sit with my leg under my butt!
Joe: I actually don’t know. Maybe I do have AIDS! Actually, I think AIDS was invented AFTER I last had sex (slight exaggeration, obviously). I’m definitely in the clear, though. Anything else you need to know? Will you be providing the oils? Seriously, though: No music by Enigma… Or Deep Forest.
Lana: Do i somehow look like a person who has music by Enigma and who is Deep forest????? Did barbara have a good laugh at your expense?
Joe: Yeah; you do… That’s why I was concerned. Yes; everyone had a good laugh. Well done!
Lana: Everyone? OMG? Who’s everyone, I thought i was quiet about it….??? sorry did i make you blush?
Joe: I’m pretty sure I was blushing. I’m actually burning up in here today. My ears are red… Feels like I’ve just had sex! Don’t worry. Fortunately, I don’t care what anyone else thinks…
Lana: I’m truly not worried.. hahahaha. Have had a headache the whole day already
Joe: Really? I do have tablets, you know…
Lana: I hide it well hey? My eyeballs are killing me… how strong are your tabs cos i take one myprodol and i’m on mars.
Joe: Lucky you! These days, even the strong stuff isn’t working like it used to… I have Paracetamol.
Lana: Anything stronger makes me feel like a space cadet! I’m ready for home… still need to get petrol!
Joe: Well, have a great weekend. I still have to do this thing (urgent, of course). It has to be done today. Ugh.
Lana: Ok honey! Hope your weekend is awesome.
Lana: morning Mr B
Joe: Hello. Sorry; I was in yet another meeting. Ugh. How are you?
Lana: Did i irritate you?
Joe: Yeah. Unfortunately, we’re gonna have to reschedule our massage. I have to attend a meeting here at 11am next Tuesday. Can you believe it? I actually have to break up my leave, for a fucking meeting! This place is gonna drive me batshit!
Lana: Nice one, thanks, i feel so wanted! They scheduled a meeting with me on the 23rd and i’m away so its a no go for me.
Joe: I should’ve told them I’m going away. Ha! Actually, the meeting is from 8 to 11… Got it wrong earlier.
Lana: That’s what happens when you are nasty. Please check your facts before making statements!
Joe: Yes, ma’am! It won’t happen again. We’re still gonna have to reschedule the massage, though. Sigh. I didn’t realise you were going so soon… Middle of next week? Are you getting excited? Silly question…
Lana: I’m about to go home, but very excited! Looking forward to seeing my friends. x
Joe: I hope you feel better tomorrow. I’m also feeling like crap… Need a hot bath, and an early night.
Lana: Do you need cheering up
Joe: I sure do. What did you have in mind?
Lana: I’m coming to irritate you cos you LOOOVEEEEE that!!!!!!! I’m going to the lawyer at lunch time
Joe: That’s disappointing. I think it’s my turn to poke you now…
Lana: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha you wish!!!! You want a fat free strawberry sweet?
Joe: Is that a metaphor? You’ve done well, but I would hardly say you’re “fat-free” yet. Ha!
Lana: I know i’m still a big unit!!! I must say i actually still look HUGE!!!!!
Joe: I wouldn’t say that, sweet cheeks. OK; I’d better get cracking on one of my mountains… And, no, that’s not a metaphor – sadly.
Lana: Hahhahaha i did get it! Work nicely
Joe: Good afternoon, Miss S. How did it go? Is it all signed and sealed? Is the lawyer two hundred pounds richer?
Lana: Its all signed sealed and delivered. I abused a guy in a pink fiat…. hahahaha
Lana: Broke!!!! Hahahhahahaa. I’m not in the mood for work!
Joe: I feel like running away… Way too much work… Just received another job. Ugh. I’m gonna enjoy my leave next week – even though I have to come in here on Tuesday morning. Are we gonna have a chance to do that massage? I need that! When is your last day at work? When do you go?
Lana: My last day of work in Monday and am off Tuesday and leave wed morning at 4:30am!
Joe: That’ll be a NO, then. These people have interfered with my massage plans! They will not be forgiven..
Lana: Now you have to get massage from a Mrs!? I was naughty at lunch time and had half a macdonalds icecream and was swiftly punished. Made me very ill and i lost the icecream and my lunch. I need a hug now i feel gross…
Joe: Nice. You think I want to hug you, after you’ve been puking? Eww. I’ll only do that, if I get a happy ending from Mrs H… I have a craving for a waffle… And ice-cream. Mmm. Where’s the nearest ice-cream parlour?
Lana: It was very tidy and have cleaned my teeth and am all sparkly now. Your happy ending is your prob.. gross. That is nasty.. you made me shudder, why are you so mean with ice-cream (puke)
Joe: Awww. Don’t knock it, ‘til you’ve tried it. I hear it makes you feel better about yourself…
Lana: Huh> Lost you there a bit…. Ooh looking at two places tonight……
Joe: I’m just being silly… Although I can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to do it. Does the thought of giving me an all-over body massage repulse you? I’m hurt.
Lana: I am teasing you! Those ladies were moaning about the aircon – so i will bring you the fan tomorrow morning to spare you the moans
Joe: Cool. Heh. Geddit? Ugh.
Lana: Geddit? Huh? Think you must come sit here!
Joe: My lame pun: Cool. I’ve done better. Can I sit on your lap, and dick-tate? God; that’s even worse. Sorry; I’ll stop now.
Next week: Episode 8!
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