E-MAIL FEMALE – EPISODE 62011-02-03 at 12:30 pm Blog RSS
EPISODE 6 (SPOILT)
Joe: Good morning. I’m not sure my Outlook is working properly (there’s no message from you this morning). Please confirm receipt…
Lana: Hahahahahaha. Good morning hun! Got called into a meeting and just got back! Still have photos for you to look at!
Joe: Yay! So how’s my favourite FWB (friend without benefits)?
Lana: aah sorry love! i’m pretty dandy and you? Have managed to squeeze into a top that i have had in my cupboard for 5 years and never been able to wear
Joe: Oh, that I have GOT to see! I’m OK… Glad it’s Friday, of course. What’s the plan for the weekend, sweet cheeks?
Lana: Georges cousin (very funny guy) is here for tonight and tom. Tom morning i’m off at 7am for a run (first one since i have been sick) with claire I’m super chuffed its Friday! Tonight we looking at a gorgeous place and tom at 11am another place, you want me to send you the links?
Joe: Sure; why not? I want to see those pictures too. I don’t think you should run yet. You’re still coughing like mad!
Lana: I am? Hahahha maybe it will make me finally cough up a lung? Going to take it very easy promise… Come here then… Where is the coffee lady?
Joe: Aaarghhh! Pff… Pff… Pff. Ehhh… Just got a mouthful of Barbara’s perfume, as she was spraying it on. My coffee has just arrived. I’ll see you later… Need to brush teeth first. I “dined” at McDonalds, on the way in… Feel so dirty…
Lana: You SKANK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was it tasty though????? I hate it when that happens, sometimes i spray my eyes! That is fun!
Joe: The perfume, or the McSausage meal? Actually, NO to both. I don’t know why I go to McDonalds. I also spilt coffee all over the car… Gonna have to go and clean it up soon.
Lana: your poor car!!!!! I’m pretty hungry at the moment, my apples have got granny skin and i finished my gerhkins yest.. Do you want to see the places?
Joe: Yeah; go on…
Lana: Ok sent it to you… let me know.
Joe: Erm. Are you retarded? What do you need three bedrooms and bathrooms for? Are you planning on opening a guest house? You’re a couple. All you need is ONE bedroom. Why don’t you down-size, and save money? You could get a place for half that price. Then, you could buy loads of clothes and other cool stuff every month. Nutter!
Lana: Ok guess what – i negotiated the rent DUDE! So this retard is actually saving money! So there!
Joe: The rent is fine, for what it is. The place looks great! My point is: You don’t need it… And can use the money to buy other stuff. You’re only renting too (effectively throwing the money away). Why don’t you nutters buy a property? It’s a great time to buy…
Lana: Um… Mr B, have YOU lost your mind, we are getting Georges parents house so there is no point buying…. and i’m struggling to find places that we can have our dogs, we can’t just move into a flat!
Joe: When are you getting the house? When they’re dead? It’s ALWAYS better to buy. I’ve deleted it now, but I thought I saw NO DOGS there… No?
Lana: What?????? Don’t joke? Will be in 2011. So that makes it… HA next year!!!!!!
Joe: Oh, well forget everything I said about buying… But you could still save money while you’re renting. Whatever… Can’t you stay where you are?
Lana: Ok your challenge, have a look at the rentals that have a garden and i DON’T want anyone living about me. Our lease is up and the mother is moving in there and funny enough this place will work out cheaper than where we are now.. How can you call me a retard!?
Joe: Relax. I’m joking. All I’m saying is: You don’t NEED it… But, if you MUST have a garden, then you could do worse. I don’t have a garden, and wouldn’t want one, and I don’t even know my neighbours are there. It’s really quiet. Right… Gotta go for number two now. Later…
Lana: Thanks for that info. Have a look at the places available and it will all become clear to you. And we MUST have a garden.. dogs????
Joe: Fair enough. I still reckon you could find a cheaper place, with a garden. I mean: The units below me have gardens and two bedrooms (they’re double-storeys). Some people have dogs there… And the rent is less than the one you’re considering. Admittedly, it doesn’t look quite as pretty… But so what? It’s temporary – and you could save money. Three bedrooms just seems like a waste to me… That reminds me: I’m going home at lunch time, if you wanna come along… Still only takes about ten minutes to get there.
Lana: I don’t want to have people living above me if you going to have a garden then it must be private. Three bedrooms is a bit much but the place has three beds what can i do? The one will just be an office area????? Thats if we even take it!?
Joe: Uh-huh. Yes or no, then? I’ll probably take lunch between 1 and 2 today…
Lana: Veronica asked me to go with her to the shops, want to come with us?
Joe: It’s cool; thanks. I wanna chill at home – even if it is only for half an hour or so.
Lana: Ok… i used to do that at home when i lived 2 min away – its a great feeling to just relax, makes you lazy to come back to work though!
Joe: Well, I’m always lazy so it doesn’t matter. Sorry for delayed response… Having a problem with the system. Walter was trying to sort it, but couldn’t… Ugh.
Lana: What is the prob? Let me know if you need anything..
Joe: I need sex. Can you… Oh, forget it.
Lana: That i will forget hahahahha
Lana: I would consider it… ;)
Joe: I’ll take that as a YES! Let me know when I can schedule an appointment, Miss S. I don’t want an appointment with Mrs H…
Lana: I’m still the same person! Looks wierd when you write that out,… in hindsight if you have seen Mrs H you wouldn’t want a massage….hehhehehee
Joe: Hahaaa! You’d better get used to it, eh? It will be different, when you’re married. That will be weird…
Lana: How will i be different from now and on the 29th oct when you see me? You will make it wierd!
Joe: Are you kidding me? You’ll be MARRIED. That’s completely different! I won’t feel comfortable, flirting with a married woman… And getting massages.
Lana: I’m basically married now so as i see i don’t get your point?
Joe: No, you’re not. Marriage is a sacred union, etc. You’ll be taking vows, and stuff. I’m not even kidding. I don’t flirt with married women… Much.
Lana: Not that you even flirt with me so..
Joe: Ha! What would you call flirting?
Lana: Um,, have no idea… people don’t normally flirt with me..
Joe: Silly girl. OK; I’d better crack on with some work…
Lana: K till later!!!!
Joe: Am I getting a massage later?
Lana: If you want… where is adolf?
Joe: He’s around. We won’t be able to do the massage here, though. It will have to be offsite. We could do it sometime, during my week off. What day did you say you’ll be free? We’ll make a plan…
Lana: Only have the 21st free..
Joe: That will do nicely. It will have to be in the afternoon, though. I have a dentist appointment in the morning. Let me know what you wanna do…
Lana: George is back in the afternoons hahahahahha you really missing out on this round.!
Joe: Crap! Is it gonna be worth me getting up early? Are you good? My dentist appointment is at 11.30.
Lana: That is practically in the afternoon!!!!! Hahahahhahahahahahahaha what time do you sleep until? I am up from 5:30am and 5:15am ??
Joe: Jesus! How long will it take? My shoulder is knotted to the max! How late can I sleep that day? Am I coming to you?
Lana: You can if you want to… should be about 45 min.
Joe: Hmm… And I assume that includes happy ending? Or will that be an extra 5 minutes?
Lana: The happy ending (puke) is your problem. Not mine. I am JUST offering a back massage.
Joe: Yeah; it will probably happen naturally anyway. OK; deal! I’ll confirm, closer to the time…
Next week: Happy ending?
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